When we lose someone, it looks and feels as if we have lost their love. Feelings of loss and pain arise. We feel flooded by the force of loss which feels so negative. A gap feels like it has been created and a sense of missing them takes over. In this apparent hole, it seems as though their love is missing. Lost.

The focus at least initially is often on the loved one lost and our feelings of losing them. Thoughts of things we could have done differently and wishes would occupy. The feelings of pain, wanting them back, to hold, talk and connect with them dominate. We miss them and their love.

Where this relationship always appeared to be in person, it is not confined to it. Love and connection are our innate state. In attributing it to a person, it appears as though we have lost them. The feelings of grief override our feeling love and connection, so it looks like we have lost their love. 

Through the process of grieving these feelings begin to dominate less, the hole that had initially ‘appeared’ begins to blur and more positive feelings of joy, love and connection begin to be felt again. We begin to realise something more is growing around it. This does not negate feelings of loss. It arises alongside it, challenging the very appearance of boundaries of love. Therefore, we have feelings of loss and pain and feelings of love and being connected to them. In the feeling of pain, love envelopes it. In the feeling of love, there is no hole. We also begin to be able to hold both concurrently. This may feel momentary at first, yet there is a truth to it that begins to filter into our understanding and our perception begins to change. It feels as though we are reconnected to them, love them and can feel their love again, it is as if love has ‘reappeared.’ This greater breadth of love felt reveals an awareness and connection to what is always there. Love. Arising and actualising. Our sense of connection to them becomes less confined. A realisation that love is part of the fabric of our being, greater than ourselves and without limits. We begin to understand that love is always there as it is not bound.

Through the shattering of our understanding of the love we once had, a wider deeper understanding is seen. We go through a feeling of loss, yet this is the very vehicle that transforms us to feel a deeper connection and have a closer understanding of our loved one. We transcend from what was to what is. We hold them within us in a more profound way as they become felt as part of our very being.

With this comes a greater sense of peace and ability to be. It is as if the sun had set and as it rises again it is seen with a deeper sense of perception. All the details, colours, shades, light and darkness. Its beauty seems to shine brighter and is appreciated more. Yet, the sun was always there. Always rising and setting. It is the breadth of the lens through which it is seen that has changed, our awareness and understanding. In essence everything has changed yet nothing has changed. Love is always there just waiting to be seen. Love is never truly lost.